for when sh*t hits the fan
Life can be hard.
Being a human some days is hard.
And one of the things that keeps us stuck in the hard is our feelings.
So many of us (me too ) were raised to push down our feelings. We were taught to hide our emotions. We were taught that we should be positive. We should look on the bright side. Don't cry.
But when we don't honor our emotions, they get stuck in your body. Literally, the brain chemicals created by your emotions have no where to go if you don't let your emotions out. They build up in your body over time. They create a constant state of stress for your body.
It's one of the easiest ways to get sick. One of my favorite researchers, Gabor Mate, talks a lot about this if you want to look into it more.
And so today, I want to share my three favorite ways to feel your emotions - especially for those of us who aren't used to (or don't feel safe) feeling our emotions.
#1. Find it in your body.
How is your body feeling right now?
Paying attention to your body alone (not focusing on the story behind it) is one of the simplest and easiest ways to feel your emotions without getting stuck in it.
It’s like feeling without bringing your brain into it.
What do you notice in your body? How would you describe how it feels? Is it heavy or dense? Light? Prickly?
Set a timer for 2 or 3 minutes and see if you can just watch how your body feels. Once the timer goes off, you’re done. You don’t need to worry about why your body is feeling how it is or try to change it, just notice it.
For example, as I type this, I can feel a little lightheadedness in my stomach. Almost like it’s summersaulting in there. Not quite butterflies, but like the step before that. It feels pretty light, but there’s also a denseness as I move my attention down lower. We’re just noting here, not needing to change anything.
#2. Give your emotions the microphone.
If your emotions could talk, what would they say?
Let all the venom out. Be as nasty or judgmental or sad or whatever comes up as you can. Let it speak loudly.
You don’t have to trust what it says is truth, but giving your emotions some attention in this way helps them move through your body too.
I like to think about emotions like a three year old. If you ignore them or banish them to their room, they’re only going to get louder. They can be dramatic and throw temper tantrums. But if you give them the attention they’re craving, they’ll go back to playing quietly eventually.
Our bodies need to be seen in this way. So let yourself let it all out - speak it, write it or share with a coach or friend - whatever feels good.
#3. Let your emotions move you.
If your emotions were an action, what would they do?
Maybe your grief would cry, wail and hide under the covers.
Maybe your anger would want to break something or yell.
Can you honor these things in a safe way?
I love to personify my feelings and ask them - what would feel really good to you?
I love breaking old mugs in a cardboard box in my backyard. I love writing all the things I’m angry about on a piece of paper and then burning it. I love allowing myself to wail in pain from the comfort of my closet, wrapped up in blankets. I love drawing and painting my feelings too. What could you do?
The more we honor how we’re feeling, the easier it gets. But setting time aside to feel has been so important for me and my clients.
It’s simple and easy. We always want to start with the minimum to help keep your brain out of overwhelm (if that happens, it’s okay!). Pick just one of these things and try it for 3 minutes. You don't have to wallow or get stuck if you don't want to (even though sometimes this can feel good to me too).
